my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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