Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
