It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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