dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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