She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize