Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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