Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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