I hate your face
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just had sex on a roof
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
