i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Boobs are out for the taking
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
