Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
