it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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