you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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