I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
