Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize