I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize