if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
