is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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