i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize