i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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