I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
