Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
