I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there was a trapeze. enough said
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
