I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
