I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
