Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
