Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize