I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
