And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
