you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
