the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
