I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
