How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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