I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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