I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
