dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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