somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
