false alarm. still invincible.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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