...so i touched it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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