Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
