you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found your dick twin last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
