I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
