I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
