dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wear drunk well.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize