There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
