someone get that fucking seahorse.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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