it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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