CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
