I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
