one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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