Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
