How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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