Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
