i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
