You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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