These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is classic penis vs brain.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
