i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
