whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
