Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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