He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
