dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
