There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
