Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
