Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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