dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
