when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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