the condom got lost in my hair
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize