so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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