So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize