He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
