never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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