oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
