Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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