...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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