God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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