Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
