Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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