I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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