Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
