I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
