The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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