So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
