Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
