you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
