so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
