you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
