Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
