dude i'm inner monologue high
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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