Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?

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(757): View more from Virginia

everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

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(914): View more from New York

No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?

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(519): View more from Ontario

I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.

(660): View more from Missouri

Touché sir

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