I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
