No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize