oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
