Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They are going to name an STD after you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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