I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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