The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize