In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
