My first STD was from a foam party
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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