i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
