I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
