I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
