I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
FUCK WHALES
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