I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
