Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
