i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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