was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
