What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
