as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize