"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Randomize
