you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
