A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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