i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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