Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
well, you know. whores of a feather.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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