i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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