I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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