We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize